On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
