I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
