Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
