Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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