someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
