DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
