I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
