She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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