I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
