its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize