She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I didn't notice because vodka
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
