She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
