Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
