Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
