its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
