So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
