Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
