too bad you live with your parents still
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
