Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
