ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
