Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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