he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
