I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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