I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
