I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize