Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
