i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
