i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
