The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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