how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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