apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
