You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
