You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sext me about skeletons
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
