she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
