i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
