i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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