Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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