"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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