some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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