just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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