every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
