Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
