Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
