Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
