I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
