We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
