Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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