She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
