just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
