Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
