Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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