it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
