I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
