i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
