You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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