hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
