you win again, gameday.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
