garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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