And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
