Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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