i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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