When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
