I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
