i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
