but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
