the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
