There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
