On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
